Wedded Bliss

I was having a conversation with a neighbor recently about dating and marriage. He was fighting his case that all couples should live together before they marry and he said something quite interesting. "When you date someone, it's like you're dating a representative."

Oh how true that is. During the dating process you are intentionally trying to make a good impression. Your "rep" puts the best foot forward, representing the good. When you get married some things suddenly change, for now you have not only the good, but the whole person. The following is an example of the "whole person" Eric married :)

My marriage has unveiled a lot of things, but I'd like to take a moment to mention just two; selfishness and a sour attitude (which is a result of selfishness). My pre-wedding days were filled with lovely thoughts of uniting with another, sharing life together, reaching for our dreams, and raising a family. I still think those are great thoughts, but perhaps there is another side of marriage that I thought very little about before I was married... that it's not all about me.

I am now living life with another human being. My "ah-ha" moment came when I realized that I had to take another person's thoughts, actions and feelings into consideration every day. My decisions affect Eric. My attitude affects Eric. My selfishness affects Eric. Maybe even more revolutionary was when I discovered that I'm NOT called to simply take Eric's thoughts, actions and feelings into consideration. Instead, I'm taught to put him first. This lifestyle of selflessness is the most challenging part of my marriage. Why has it become so easy to attend to the masses (work, friends, other obligations) and put off one person (my husband)? When in fact the example Jesus gave was to put off the masses for the one person.

My selfishness was challenged in a new way this week. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/back while trying some new exercises. It hurts. It is painful to sit, stand, lay, walk, turn my head, lift my arm, etc. On day 3 I was agitated, cranky, and selfish. I was rude and altogether unpleasant to be around. Despite my discomfort, I had no excuse to treat my husband that way. He had every right to block me out and stop listening. Instead, he displayed his selflessness. About mid-way through the evening of Olympic watching he declared "I have an idea!" He went on to purpose, "How about you lay down and let me try to massage that muscle in your back?"

That night I was taught an important lesson. Marriage is about servant hood, selflessness, and sacrifice. I expected Eric to tell me to suck it up. He had been working all day while I had been home all day. After all, didn't he deserve a few minutes of peace and quiet? I'm sure I had been complaining to him from the moment he got home. Instead of asking for a few minutes to himself, he calmly and quietly gave of himself.

I believe this is the embodiment of Christianity. If I recall, didn't Christ come to Earth and give of himself time and time again and ultimately on the cross? This week I have been the recipient of Jesus' hands and feet on Earth. I hope and pray that my own selfishness will dwindle as I, too, learn how to be Jesus' hands and feet.