Balance

Sometimes taking a new job is a direct correlation to dissatisfaction at a current job. We are not happy with how things operate, or have a personality conflict with a boss. Maybe the hours aren't right or the "work" unfulfilling. The reasons are plenty.

Two years ago Eric and I were wrestling with a job offer in Hawaii. If you've been following our blog through the years, you'll remember that this was indeed a wrestling match for me. I did not want to go. In one of our video-chat interviews, Pastor Ryan asked what my ideal job would be. I remember something like, "If you could dream up the perfect job, perfect work/home balance... what would that be?"

Admittedly, my imagination was a little out of practice. But I remember describing the job I was currently holding, in Nashville. And somewhere in that conversation he said, "Oh, you already have it. You're not looking for a change?" Nope. Eric and I had a great balance of work/family. We were both engaged in fulfilling work. For the first time we were living and working in the same neighborhood, a deep conviction of ours that we had just managed to bring to fruition a few months prior. I was using my giftedness and my passions. I had jumped in with both feet to answer the question, What does it mean to live here? To be part of this community? 

Fast forward a few months, we did indeed take the call to move to Hawaii (shocker, right?). My training is in education and in my experience, those jobs have been easy to come by. Maybe not the "perfect" job, but a job nonetheless. Wrong. Eric and I worked to find a good work/home balance, surely, we could implement what we had already learned. Wrong. We had a second child... but people do that all the time, it wouldn't be that different. Wrong. And I had the recent experience of jumping into a community, meeting moms, and making that city a home. New city, same expectations. Double Wrong.

I've come to identify some of this as naivety. Some of it as LIFE. And some of it as ignorance of the new 'job' as missionary. From the outset, we knew our first year would largely be making Kona our home. I've learned that knowing in my head I'm making Kona home and feeling in my heart I'm making Kona home are two very different things. Some of making Kona home has involved the work of attending community meetings, meeting community workers, becoming familiar with social services, and other things that feel like work. Then there's the other part of making Kona home... the part that collides with my ignorance of what it means to be a missionary. I probably should have had someone scream at me, "Don't even think about jumping in with two feet! Observe for a while. YOU, my friend, are an outsider." My unrealistic expectations lead to frustration that could have been lessened with more realistic expectations.

Recently, at a Christmas gathering, a long-term missionary with a few decades of ministry experience told me something I didn't expect to hear. She said, "In my experience it takes 4 years to make a new culture your home. And if there is NO language barrier, it could be lessened to 3 years." WHAT?! I've been marinating on that for the past 6 weeks and it is helping change my attitude. I am viewing the work we've done so far as progress in the bigger picture instead of an unmet expectation. And when I think about it like that, I am so incredibly hopeful for our future; for the future of Mission:Kona Coast. Because the reality is we have done work this year. Formational and foundational work that will help us build a strong ministry. Heart work and marriage work and family work.

Eric and I have recently hit a new stride, we have a fantastic balance of sharing work and kids. We have more energy (likely related to no longer having an infant). Instead of identifying a hurt in the community and logging is as head knowledge, we are beginning to get involved and get our hands dirty. Don't get me wrong, we've been busy. We did jump in with 2 feet in our local church context. As with any church, there's always work to be done. But now we are becoming more comfortable in our community. And as we form new and deeper relationships we are starting to match passions with needs. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes our vision is still a bit blurry. But we're doing it. and that's pretty exciting. And though this looks nothing like my unrealistic (and naive) expectations, it is prayerfully and faithfully pursued.