Sometimes taking a new job is a direct correlation to dissatisfaction at a current job. We are not happy with how things operate, or have a personality conflict with a boss. Maybe the hours aren't right or the "work" unfulfilling. The reasons are plenty.
Two years ago Eric and I were wrestling with a job offer in Hawaii. If you've been following our blog through the years, you'll remember that this was indeed a wrestling match for me. I did not want to go. In one of our video-chat interviews, Pastor Ryan asked what my ideal job would be. I remember something like, "If you could dream up the perfect job, perfect work/home balance... what would that be?"
Admittedly, my imagination was a little out of practice. But I remember describing the job I was currently holding, in Nashville. And somewhere in that conversation he said, "Oh, you already have it. You're not looking for a change?" Nope. Eric and I had a great balance of work/family. We were both engaged in fulfilling work. For the first time we were living and working in the same neighborhood, a deep conviction of ours that we had just managed to bring to fruition a few months prior. I was using my giftedness and my passions. I had jumped in with both feet to answer the question, What does it mean to live here? To be part of this community?
Fast forward a few months, we did indeed take the call to move to Hawaii (shocker, right?). My training is in education and in my experience, those jobs have been easy to come by. Maybe not the "perfect" job, but a job nonetheless. Wrong. Eric and I worked to find a good work/home balance, surely, we could implement what we had already learned. Wrong. We had a second child... but people do that all the time, it wouldn't be that different. Wrong. And I had the recent experience of jumping into a community, meeting moms, and making that city a home. New city, same expectations. Double Wrong.
I've come to identify some of this as naivety. Some of it as LIFE. And some of it as ignorance of the new 'job' as missionary. From the outset, we knew our first year would largely be making Kona our home. I've learned that knowing in my head I'm making Kona home and feeling in my heart I'm making Kona home are two very different things. Some of making Kona home has involved the work of attending community meetings, meeting community workers, becoming familiar with social services, and other things that feel like work. Then there's the other part of making Kona home... the part that collides with my ignorance of what it means to be a missionary. I probably should have had someone scream at me, "Don't even think about jumping in with two feet! Observe for a while. YOU, my friend, are an outsider." My unrealistic expectations lead to frustration that could have been lessened with more realistic expectations.
Recently, at a Christmas gathering, a long-term missionary with a few decades of ministry experience told me something I didn't expect to hear. She said, "In my experience it takes 4 years to make a new culture your home. And if there is NO language barrier, it could be lessened to 3 years." WHAT?! I've been marinating on that for the past 6 weeks and it is helping change my attitude. I am viewing the work we've done so far as progress in the bigger picture instead of an unmet expectation. And when I think about it like that, I am so incredibly hopeful for our future; for the future of Mission:Kona Coast. Because the reality is we have done work this year. Formational and foundational work that will help us build a strong ministry. Heart work and marriage work and family work.
Eric and I have recently hit a new stride, we have a fantastic balance of sharing work and kids. We have more energy (likely related to no longer having an infant). Instead of identifying a hurt in the community and logging is as head knowledge, we are beginning to get involved and get our hands dirty. Don't get me wrong, we've been busy. We did jump in with 2 feet in our local church context. As with any church, there's always work to be done. But now we are becoming more comfortable in our community. And as we form new and deeper relationships we are starting to match passions with needs. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes our vision is still a bit blurry. But we're doing it. and that's pretty exciting. And though this looks nothing like my unrealistic (and naive) expectations, it is prayerfully and faithfully pursued.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Reviving Stories
Over the past couple of months, we have been praying and discussing as a staff what our theme for 2015 should be. This past year (2014) we devoted our preaching and discussions around "Building the Church" using Ephesians to walk through the tough issues of becoming a Christian community on mission together (i.e. being the church in the world). We have long felt that we are on the precipice of revival. We believe we are laying the groundwork for personal and social change in the lives and community of the Kona Coast. With that mind, we believe that story telling will play a prominent role in the life of our church. So, this year our theme will simply be "Reviving Stories," and we will walk through the first story of Jesus written in the Bible, The Gospel of Mark. I'll give a brief summary of what this means for our role as missionaries, but if you're interested in reading Pastor Ryan's perspective, you can find it here.
1). We live in a predominately Oral Culture. Especially in Hawaii, the majority of people interact and grow up in traditional oral structures; that is, a person's primary engagement with the world is oral rather than literate. Culturally speaking, oral communities place high value in relationships, learn more through experience/mentorships, process through stories rather than theory/critical thinking, and process together rather than in isolation. Just think about this: 58% of the US Population never reads a book after high school while 70% of people in North America prefer non-literate forms of communication. The majority of people in our congregations learn through stories, proverbs, songs, and lived experience. And yet, I bet much of our discipleship takes place in the realm of personal introspection and deepening head knowledge. For example, many small groups form around a particular book study, working against the very context of learning assumed by the group's participants.
2). The majority of scripture takes the form of a story. In fact, one could say that the Bible itself is a story with a beginning, middle, and end, plot twists, character development, and even has various authors directed/inspired by the Storyteller for its narrative arc. Each author tends to have particular way of telling how God's story meets their experience, but it remains God's story nonetheless. The Gospel writers seemed to think that the best way to witness to the Kingdom of God and challenge Christians to faithful discipleship was simply to tell the story of Jesus. Stories, orally told, were the key to learning, experiencing, and sharing God for early Christians. For those living in an oral culture, we believe this still to be the case. We want to revive this form of discipleship by reviving stories, working through how God's story intersects and ultimately transforms our own story. We need to learn how to place our story within the Story of God as found in Jesus. If we don't do this, people will continue to find meaning through the various other stories our cultures tell.
3). Our Teaching/Preaching at KCN will take the form of interactive story-telling. Starting in February, we will host a class that will focus on uniting Biblical story-telling with personal narrative; learning to share how our story falls into the scope of God’s story of redemption and communion. Each class will focus on one story from the Book of Mark oriented around a theme of evangelism. Through group dialogue and discovery, our stories of God’s work will be shared with each other, putting into practice the act of “Declaring the Gospel of God.” But even more than that, this will be a starting place for the 7 people within our congregation discerning a call to ministry.
Over the next year, we will learn together the story that God has for these potential ministers but also the Story that God longs to see told throughout the Kona Coast. I, for one, can't wait to see how this narrative unfolds.
P.S. SEVEN People within our congregation discerning a call to ministry! Praise God with us. God is being faithful in calling local leadership to lead locally. May we continue to be faithful to the calling of training local leaders for God's work on the island.
1). We live in a predominately Oral Culture. Especially in Hawaii, the majority of people interact and grow up in traditional oral structures; that is, a person's primary engagement with the world is oral rather than literate. Culturally speaking, oral communities place high value in relationships, learn more through experience/mentorships, process through stories rather than theory/critical thinking, and process together rather than in isolation. Just think about this: 58% of the US Population never reads a book after high school while 70% of people in North America prefer non-literate forms of communication. The majority of people in our congregations learn through stories, proverbs, songs, and lived experience. And yet, I bet much of our discipleship takes place in the realm of personal introspection and deepening head knowledge. For example, many small groups form around a particular book study, working against the very context of learning assumed by the group's participants.
2). The majority of scripture takes the form of a story. In fact, one could say that the Bible itself is a story with a beginning, middle, and end, plot twists, character development, and even has various authors directed/inspired by the Storyteller for its narrative arc. Each author tends to have particular way of telling how God's story meets their experience, but it remains God's story nonetheless. The Gospel writers seemed to think that the best way to witness to the Kingdom of God and challenge Christians to faithful discipleship was simply to tell the story of Jesus. Stories, orally told, were the key to learning, experiencing, and sharing God for early Christians. For those living in an oral culture, we believe this still to be the case. We want to revive this form of discipleship by reviving stories, working through how God's story intersects and ultimately transforms our own story. We need to learn how to place our story within the Story of God as found in Jesus. If we don't do this, people will continue to find meaning through the various other stories our cultures tell.
3). Our Teaching/Preaching at KCN will take the form of interactive story-telling. Starting in February, we will host a class that will focus on uniting Biblical story-telling with personal narrative; learning to share how our story falls into the scope of God’s story of redemption and communion. Each class will focus on one story from the Book of Mark oriented around a theme of evangelism. Through group dialogue and discovery, our stories of God’s work will be shared with each other, putting into practice the act of “Declaring the Gospel of God.” But even more than that, this will be a starting place for the 7 people within our congregation discerning a call to ministry.
Over the next year, we will learn together the story that God has for these potential ministers but also the Story that God longs to see told throughout the Kona Coast. I, for one, can't wait to see how this narrative unfolds.
P.S. SEVEN People within our congregation discerning a call to ministry! Praise God with us. God is being faithful in calling local leadership to lead locally. May we continue to be faithful to the calling of training local leaders for God's work on the island.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Place Matters
Since moving to Kona, I have been working part-time at a coffee shop in town. My love for coffee has developed over the years as I have patiently and passionately moved closer and closer to coffee nerd-ism. My pallet has become more refined, detecting nuances between stone fruit or berry fruit flavors, noting coffee that has been over-extracted (leaving a slight bitterness), over roasted (covering the nuances of coffee flavor), or just plain bad quality coffee. I have preferences in brew methods, leaning more toward the clean and crisp feel that my Chemex and Kalita Wave give rather than the muddled and heavy feel of a french press coffee.
The myriad of factors that go into the taste of a cup of coffee is extraordinary. Everything from water temperature to grind size, from brew method to roast date, from water purity to extraction time all change the way coffee will taste. And these are only the factors that I, as a barista, can control. The other end of the spectrum contributes to taste as well: quality of soil, rainfall, sunshine, shade, pruning techniques, coffee varietals, processing methods, storage, and geography. In the last 20 years, many have begun recognizing the unique differentiation of coffee based on all of these factors, much like wine connoisseurs talk about regions, grape varieties, and aging.
Many coffee roasters are moving toward direct relationships with coffee farmers. I have tasted two different coffees of the same variety from the same farmer. The only difference was that one coffee grew on one side of the mountain and the other coffee grew on the other side of the mountain. And the coffees were different. The context in which the coffee grows matters in its outcome, in how it tastes.
Kona coffee is world famous. It holds a type of romantic edge rivaled only by a few other coffees worldwide (Blue Jamaican and Geisha to name two). The majority of Kona coffee is now from a "Guatemala Typica" variety imported in the 19th century. And yet, it's distinct and unique.
If you take the same varietal of coffee, say typica, and move it to a different location, it's going to taste different. The place matters.
At Kona Coast Nazarene, we believe that place matters. In fact, if you were to spend time on our website you would recognize that its even set up differently than most church websites. We do not start with when our worship services gather, what ministries/programs we offer, or a list of calendar events coming up. We begin with geography. We begin with a place and recognize the importance of how that place will require and produce a unique and distinct expression of the Gospel.
We do not start with the 'goods and services' the church offers to those who wish to consume them. Turning the church into a franchise that markets 'new life' or 'good news' has worked in the past to bring people to us. But we have found over time that this strategy has the adverse effect of creating passive observers and not disciples. Furthermore, assuming that what the community hopes for is another worship service that is distinct from the 'other' church down the road only in contextual preaching, ignores- or at least limits- the church's capacity to listen and engage our neighbors' hurts, hopes, and cultural histories. We have also seen that over time, the people have just stopped coming. Perhaps its time for us to stop assuming people will come and for us to start going to them.
If you take a church of the same denomination, say Nazarene, and move it to a different location, its expression is going to be different. The place matters.
We posit that we shouldn't know the vision for one of our Mission Zones (we have eight distinct communities stretching across the West Coast of the Bis Island) until we've shared meals with those who eat there, labor with those who work there, know the names and stories of those who live there, and joked around with those who laugh there.
Joy and I in the past year have been doing this work of learning the stories of the community and its neighbors. And now, in year two, our vision and our goals are becoming more clear. We're excited to share with you what those are in the coming weeks and months. In the meantime, continue to pray with us that God directs our work, provides the means of support for our ministry, and continues to grace us with new and deepening friendships.
The myriad of factors that go into the taste of a cup of coffee is extraordinary. Everything from water temperature to grind size, from brew method to roast date, from water purity to extraction time all change the way coffee will taste. And these are only the factors that I, as a barista, can control. The other end of the spectrum contributes to taste as well: quality of soil, rainfall, sunshine, shade, pruning techniques, coffee varietals, processing methods, storage, and geography. In the last 20 years, many have begun recognizing the unique differentiation of coffee based on all of these factors, much like wine connoisseurs talk about regions, grape varieties, and aging.
Many coffee roasters are moving toward direct relationships with coffee farmers. I have tasted two different coffees of the same variety from the same farmer. The only difference was that one coffee grew on one side of the mountain and the other coffee grew on the other side of the mountain. And the coffees were different. The context in which the coffee grows matters in its outcome, in how it tastes.
Kona coffee is world famous. It holds a type of romantic edge rivaled only by a few other coffees worldwide (Blue Jamaican and Geisha to name two). The majority of Kona coffee is now from a "Guatemala Typica" variety imported in the 19th century. And yet, it's distinct and unique.
If you take the same varietal of coffee, say typica, and move it to a different location, it's going to taste different. The place matters.
At Kona Coast Nazarene, we believe that place matters. In fact, if you were to spend time on our website you would recognize that its even set up differently than most church websites. We do not start with when our worship services gather, what ministries/programs we offer, or a list of calendar events coming up. We begin with geography. We begin with a place and recognize the importance of how that place will require and produce a unique and distinct expression of the Gospel.
We do not start with the 'goods and services' the church offers to those who wish to consume them. Turning the church into a franchise that markets 'new life' or 'good news' has worked in the past to bring people to us. But we have found over time that this strategy has the adverse effect of creating passive observers and not disciples. Furthermore, assuming that what the community hopes for is another worship service that is distinct from the 'other' church down the road only in contextual preaching, ignores- or at least limits- the church's capacity to listen and engage our neighbors' hurts, hopes, and cultural histories. We have also seen that over time, the people have just stopped coming. Perhaps its time for us to stop assuming people will come and for us to start going to them.
If you take a church of the same denomination, say Nazarene, and move it to a different location, its expression is going to be different. The place matters.
We posit that we shouldn't know the vision for one of our Mission Zones (we have eight distinct communities stretching across the West Coast of the Bis Island) until we've shared meals with those who eat there, labor with those who work there, know the names and stories of those who live there, and joked around with those who laugh there.
Joy and I in the past year have been doing this work of learning the stories of the community and its neighbors. And now, in year two, our vision and our goals are becoming more clear. We're excited to share with you what those are in the coming weeks and months. In the meantime, continue to pray with us that God directs our work, provides the means of support for our ministry, and continues to grace us with new and deepening friendships.
Monday, October 6, 2014
On Becoming a Disciple
Disciples are not born, they're taught.
And children are not adults, they too are taught. I'm currently reading a book about parenting and finished the chapter on giving too many choices. The basic premise revolves around parenting appropriately to developing abilities, understanding, age, and moral judgment. In this chapter, the authors deal with the ever-present temptation to give too much freedom to a child who is not ready to handle it. I'm sure those of us who are parents remember, or experienced today, struggling with a child who wants certain things, done a certain way, and in their own time- whether or not their parents have given another instruction. Sometimes as parents, it's simply easier, less conflict-ridden, to give into the daily whims and desires of our children. Does it really matter that Justice wants cow's milk instead of almond milk even though I've already poured almond milk? If we think of the way children develop over time, it really becomes less about the immediate choice and more about training our child to listen, growing into a more mature use of freedom, and teaching against the grain of a culture addicted to personal freedoms and choice. More than likely, a child lashing out, throwing a tantrum, and repeatedly saying 'no,' has learned these bad habits over time and their perspective must change.
If you've spent any time getting to know Joy and I or read about our work on this blog, then you know we are quite passionate about discipleship. And this doesn't sound unique or different or more radical than any other church. Most churches will express a desire to make disciples, because it's in scripture. But when I look around the Christian landscape and do a subjective survey of the state of Christian discipleship, I think most Christians bend toward 2-year old tantrums, addicted to personal freedom and choice, and treat the church like parents who merely make suggestions for Christian living. There exists no new alternative, no changed perspective, no un-learning of bad habits and re-learning of new ones. We think people will become disciples randomly by rubbing shoulders with enough 'good' people. It seems to me that a disciple of Jesus has come about more by accident (or perhaps by the Spirit's continual pursuit) than by building a culture of discipleship in which believers commit to one another in grace, love, and mutual submission (what the church ought to be).
But we've all experienced and witnessed low levels of commitment and high levels of church shopping. How can you re-train someone (a process that takes time) if they're not around long enough, or only commit to showing up once a week, to break free from the old way of doing things?
I'm also currently reading through Starting Missional Churches in which the authors combine many of the benefits from the church planting movement with the keen insights from the missional movement of the last decade. They note the detriment to churches of the rise of the self-proclaimed individual through enlightenment thinking and consumeristic practices. They write, "Too often Protestant splitting [when individuals or groups leave a church] is tied (unconsciously) to believing that a church is a set of commodities to be consumed. When churches focus on their own preferences and their assumptions about other shoppers, we fall into deadly traps of our consumer culture and nobody wins- neither the church nor the neighborhood." Or put another way, the child gets what he/she wants, but its detrimental to their own development. In Ephesians, Paul talks of some being like infants, tossed back and forth by every whim of teaching. Rather, we are to grow up into the kind of love fitting for those who follow Jesus.
Notice that for the church, it isn't necessarily about itself; it exists for the sake of the health of the community for which it is a part. If the members of the church cannot practice a core principal of "Unity" (just read Ephesians), then the neighborhood surely notices and will not benefit from the church's presence- and mission is destroyed. Like a child whose perspective needs to be altered through preventative measures, so also Christians must move away from consuming spirituality and move toward committing to one another through the daily grind of life.
If we as Christians are fixed upon our own desires, go to church to 'be fed,' or walk away at the hint of conflict, then we will not grow into the full maturity of Christ. If I'm unable to place my life underneath the story of Christ's death (a story of giving up power), I will continue to fall to other stories of greed or violence or selfishness or hatred and I will destroy community. To be a disciple is to give up all the stories of the world for the one enacted in Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. That story creates reconciliation, produces love, and teaches grace (the exact elements I wish my children to embody). And when the church looks like that, it won't take long for our neighbors to take notice and want be a part of it.
And children are not adults, they too are taught. I'm currently reading a book about parenting and finished the chapter on giving too many choices. The basic premise revolves around parenting appropriately to developing abilities, understanding, age, and moral judgment. In this chapter, the authors deal with the ever-present temptation to give too much freedom to a child who is not ready to handle it. I'm sure those of us who are parents remember, or experienced today, struggling with a child who wants certain things, done a certain way, and in their own time- whether or not their parents have given another instruction. Sometimes as parents, it's simply easier, less conflict-ridden, to give into the daily whims and desires of our children. Does it really matter that Justice wants cow's milk instead of almond milk even though I've already poured almond milk? If we think of the way children develop over time, it really becomes less about the immediate choice and more about training our child to listen, growing into a more mature use of freedom, and teaching against the grain of a culture addicted to personal freedoms and choice. More than likely, a child lashing out, throwing a tantrum, and repeatedly saying 'no,' has learned these bad habits over time and their perspective must change.
If you've spent any time getting to know Joy and I or read about our work on this blog, then you know we are quite passionate about discipleship. And this doesn't sound unique or different or more radical than any other church. Most churches will express a desire to make disciples, because it's in scripture. But when I look around the Christian landscape and do a subjective survey of the state of Christian discipleship, I think most Christians bend toward 2-year old tantrums, addicted to personal freedom and choice, and treat the church like parents who merely make suggestions for Christian living. There exists no new alternative, no changed perspective, no un-learning of bad habits and re-learning of new ones. We think people will become disciples randomly by rubbing shoulders with enough 'good' people. It seems to me that a disciple of Jesus has come about more by accident (or perhaps by the Spirit's continual pursuit) than by building a culture of discipleship in which believers commit to one another in grace, love, and mutual submission (what the church ought to be).
But we've all experienced and witnessed low levels of commitment and high levels of church shopping. How can you re-train someone (a process that takes time) if they're not around long enough, or only commit to showing up once a week, to break free from the old way of doing things?
I'm also currently reading through Starting Missional Churches in which the authors combine many of the benefits from the church planting movement with the keen insights from the missional movement of the last decade. They note the detriment to churches of the rise of the self-proclaimed individual through enlightenment thinking and consumeristic practices. They write, "Too often Protestant splitting [when individuals or groups leave a church] is tied (unconsciously) to believing that a church is a set of commodities to be consumed. When churches focus on their own preferences and their assumptions about other shoppers, we fall into deadly traps of our consumer culture and nobody wins- neither the church nor the neighborhood." Or put another way, the child gets what he/she wants, but its detrimental to their own development. In Ephesians, Paul talks of some being like infants, tossed back and forth by every whim of teaching. Rather, we are to grow up into the kind of love fitting for those who follow Jesus.
Notice that for the church, it isn't necessarily about itself; it exists for the sake of the health of the community for which it is a part. If the members of the church cannot practice a core principal of "Unity" (just read Ephesians), then the neighborhood surely notices and will not benefit from the church's presence- and mission is destroyed. Like a child whose perspective needs to be altered through preventative measures, so also Christians must move away from consuming spirituality and move toward committing to one another through the daily grind of life.
If we as Christians are fixed upon our own desires, go to church to 'be fed,' or walk away at the hint of conflict, then we will not grow into the full maturity of Christ. If I'm unable to place my life underneath the story of Christ's death (a story of giving up power), I will continue to fall to other stories of greed or violence or selfishness or hatred and I will destroy community. To be a disciple is to give up all the stories of the world for the one enacted in Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. That story creates reconciliation, produces love, and teaches grace (the exact elements I wish my children to embody). And when the church looks like that, it won't take long for our neighbors to take notice and want be a part of it.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
TIPS: Kids & Church
The last blog explored our church moving toward a worship service inclusive of the whole family- children and adults together. You can read about it here.
So, if your kids are with you for all, or part, of a church worship service here are some practical tips on preparing for such an adventure!
Pop Praise: This happens at my church every week. Practice at home! Seems like a great way to kick off the day at breakfast time. "I praise God for..." Does your church have a prayer that's said every week, like The Lord's Prayer? Or a time of greeting at the beginning of the service? Practice those hand-shakes! We all know a strong hand-shake, with eye contact, will help our youth in ALL of life.
Tithes and Offerings: Do your kids get an allowance? Have a job? Maybe are too young for an allowance, but still know that money is used to buy things? Maybe your children have heard the phrase "We don't have money for that." I know I've said it. Here lies an opportunity (at home, in the car, in Walmart the next time your kid says, "Can I get that?") to teach thanksgiving, that God has given us enough. Besides, it all belongs to God anyway. And if there's a way for your child to physically participate in church by placing money, or an envelope, or a check into the the offering plate... even better!
Teach rituals, procedures, church language, sacred objects, etc. On your drive (or walk) to church remind your kids the order of the service. Just a hunch, but after a few weeks, I'd bet your children know the order of service better than most adults! Here are a few places to start: alters, podium, offering plate, sermon, worship, prayer, tithe, communion. These can be funny words if you're unfamiliar.
Read the scripture ahead of time. Prepare your minds and hearts together. Many pastors preach in series or themes. I'm willing to bet if you approached your pastor and said something like, "My family has started preparing for church ahead of time, can you share your sermon topics/scripture references for the next few weeks?" most pastors would emphatically shout HALLELUJAH! YES!
Prayer: Usually, prayer is a quiet time during the service when one voice is heard. This can be difficult for children. Instead of becoming frustrated or embarrassed, take the time to explain to your child what is happening. Just whisper. Perhaps try a strategy for participation where you teach your child to repeat words or phrases from the prayer (in a whisper).
DON'T FRET if your child has difficulty focusing for the duration of the sermon. Let's be honest, so do I! Sitting, focusing, listening are all learned behaviors. Don't expect excellence on the first Sunday. Instead, focus on setting a good example, remind kids (and yourself) the reason you're at church in the first place, and pick ONE truth to plant in their brains as you head home.
And maybe the biggest tip of all - role play at home. Practice "church." AND HAVE FUN! Speaking from a pastor's perspective, we WANT kids to have fun, be genuinely welcomed, and experience the love of Christ when they are at church. If we constantly "shush" our kids and act like we don't have space for them (their bodies as well as their joyful exuberance about life), they will begin to think, and feel, and eventually know the church as an unwelcoming place. I'm pretty sure that's not how Jesus feels about kids.
I hesitate to write this final part, but I want to make sure this post doesn't come across as "she said let the kids climb over chairs during the sermon," or something else equally as distracting. Is there room for discipline and obedience during a church service? Absolutely. I would be mortified if my child used the alter for a jumping block during church. So we teach the sacredness of an alter, and we also teach (for our 2 year old) that during church we sit in a chair (pew) or on Mama's lap. During the service - outside of music - is not a time for running or walking or climbing. Have a child that struggles to stay in one place? Try squeezing a ball in your hands, or between your knees.
If you're thinking, But my child DID crawl under the chairs! Oh well. Try again next week. Ever had a bad dinner where your kid ate nothing? Or a horrible bed time? Or a fit in the grocery store? You cannot give up eating, or sleeping, or shopping. Don't give up on church either! These are formative moments and years. Let's all open ourselves to seeing and learning through the lens of a child.
So, if your kids are with you for all, or part, of a church worship service here are some practical tips on preparing for such an adventure!
Pop Praise: This happens at my church every week. Practice at home! Seems like a great way to kick off the day at breakfast time. "I praise God for..." Does your church have a prayer that's said every week, like The Lord's Prayer? Or a time of greeting at the beginning of the service? Practice those hand-shakes! We all know a strong hand-shake, with eye contact, will help our youth in ALL of life.
Tithes and Offerings: Do your kids get an allowance? Have a job? Maybe are too young for an allowance, but still know that money is used to buy things? Maybe your children have heard the phrase "We don't have money for that." I know I've said it. Here lies an opportunity (at home, in the car, in Walmart the next time your kid says, "Can I get that?") to teach thanksgiving, that God has given us enough. Besides, it all belongs to God anyway. And if there's a way for your child to physically participate in church by placing money, or an envelope, or a check into the the offering plate... even better!
Teach rituals, procedures, church language, sacred objects, etc. On your drive (or walk) to church remind your kids the order of the service. Just a hunch, but after a few weeks, I'd bet your children know the order of service better than most adults! Here are a few places to start: alters, podium, offering plate, sermon, worship, prayer, tithe, communion. These can be funny words if you're unfamiliar.
Read the scripture ahead of time. Prepare your minds and hearts together. Many pastors preach in series or themes. I'm willing to bet if you approached your pastor and said something like, "My family has started preparing for church ahead of time, can you share your sermon topics/scripture references for the next few weeks?" most pastors would emphatically shout HALLELUJAH! YES!
Prayer: Usually, prayer is a quiet time during the service when one voice is heard. This can be difficult for children. Instead of becoming frustrated or embarrassed, take the time to explain to your child what is happening. Just whisper. Perhaps try a strategy for participation where you teach your child to repeat words or phrases from the prayer (in a whisper).
DON'T FRET if your child has difficulty focusing for the duration of the sermon. Let's be honest, so do I! Sitting, focusing, listening are all learned behaviors. Don't expect excellence on the first Sunday. Instead, focus on setting a good example, remind kids (and yourself) the reason you're at church in the first place, and pick ONE truth to plant in their brains as you head home.
And maybe the biggest tip of all - role play at home. Practice "church." AND HAVE FUN! Speaking from a pastor's perspective, we WANT kids to have fun, be genuinely welcomed, and experience the love of Christ when they are at church. If we constantly "shush" our kids and act like we don't have space for them (their bodies as well as their joyful exuberance about life), they will begin to think, and feel, and eventually know the church as an unwelcoming place. I'm pretty sure that's not how Jesus feels about kids.
I hesitate to write this final part, but I want to make sure this post doesn't come across as "she said let the kids climb over chairs during the sermon," or something else equally as distracting. Is there room for discipline and obedience during a church service? Absolutely. I would be mortified if my child used the alter for a jumping block during church. So we teach the sacredness of an alter, and we also teach (for our 2 year old) that during church we sit in a chair (pew) or on Mama's lap. During the service - outside of music - is not a time for running or walking or climbing. Have a child that struggles to stay in one place? Try squeezing a ball in your hands, or between your knees.
If you're thinking, But my child DID crawl under the chairs! Oh well. Try again next week. Ever had a bad dinner where your kid ate nothing? Or a horrible bed time? Or a fit in the grocery store? You cannot give up eating, or sleeping, or shopping. Don't give up on church either! These are formative moments and years. Let's all open ourselves to seeing and learning through the lens of a child.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
"Mama, YOU pray."
We have a moment in our service called "Pop Praise." Our worship leader starts us off with, "I praise God for..." We typically have a handful of people share one or two sentences of a recent praise to God. I totally love this part of church for a whole host of reasons. And I see this time as a natural opportunity to have children participate. While we don't intentionally target adults, we have never had a child share. To no avail, I have tried a couple different organic ways to encourage kid participation with our elementary children. Several Sunday's ago, during "Pop Praise" I found myself waiting with eager anticipation for just one child to share. As I silently watched one adult and then another speak, my two year old tugged on my skirt and whispered, "You pray, Mama."
"What, honey?"
"Mama, YOU pray."
In the midst of my planning, and pleading, and good intentions, I forgot to lead. I LOVE that my daughter watches and casually says, "Uncle Lonnie is praying. Auntie Anna is praying." I LOVE that she is growing up in an environment where she hears and sees testimony of God's grace from a community. But when the day is done, who has the greatest impact on her life? I do. And Eric does. For Justice (and Micah) to grow up believing in the transforming work of God, she needs to observe her parents.
This is just one example of why our church has made a leap into family worship (and away from age-based ministry). It's likely that this will be a season. As our congregation changes, so will we. Maybe we will go back to having elementary children leave during the sermon time. Or maybe there will be seasons in the year where children are invited to participate fully, and then a sermon series that's not totally appropriate for 6 year old ears. I don't know. But right now we have halted most* age-based ministries and whole families are worshipping together. Naturally, I love it. But something tells me it's not so natural for everyone. So I thought I would share a few reflections and observations from my perspective.
Communion: We took communion one of our first Sundays of family worship and I thought, "Ooh, bet this is new for some families." And then I remembered that our children are invited into the service EVERY time we take communion. What a glorious opportunity for families to remember Christ's body, broken for you, together. I have had some great discussions with other pastors over the years on the appropriateness of children participating in Communion. The most common concern I hear is, "They don't understand...." While this is likely true, let me offer a confession. As an educated adult, I don't understand. I cannot count the times in my life where God has revealed something to me that I thought I understood, but most certainly did not. The Divine is often times shrouded in mystery. I lean towards using the opportunity, the regular recurring event of communion, to lead children (and adults) into a more full understanding of the Eucharist.
Drawing During Church: If you have a child who can doodle peacefully, great! I've witnessed this a few times, and been amazed every time. It usually starts with drawing a picture, or making circles. Eventually it becomes words. About a month ago, one young girl left church with a page of beautiful scrolls and the words, "GOD IS GOOD" in the middle of her page. That phrase might seem simple, but it's a foundational truth all of us could be reminded of once in a while.
Worship through song: In our church, kids can be found singing, dancing, clapping, bouncing, quietly observing, or even shaking a musical instrument. This is one of the more natural and easy parts of worship for kids to participate in. Is the sound a little off? Maybe. But guess what? God doesn't think so.
In my next post, I'll list a few tips you can use at home to prepare your family for church.
*We still provide nursery care for infants/toddlers up to 4 years of age.
"What, honey?"
"Mama, YOU pray."
In the midst of my planning, and pleading, and good intentions, I forgot to lead. I LOVE that my daughter watches and casually says, "Uncle Lonnie is praying. Auntie Anna is praying." I LOVE that she is growing up in an environment where she hears and sees testimony of God's grace from a community. But when the day is done, who has the greatest impact on her life? I do. And Eric does. For Justice (and Micah) to grow up believing in the transforming work of God, she needs to observe her parents.
This is just one example of why our church has made a leap into family worship (and away from age-based ministry). It's likely that this will be a season. As our congregation changes, so will we. Maybe we will go back to having elementary children leave during the sermon time. Or maybe there will be seasons in the year where children are invited to participate fully, and then a sermon series that's not totally appropriate for 6 year old ears. I don't know. But right now we have halted most* age-based ministries and whole families are worshipping together. Naturally, I love it. But something tells me it's not so natural for everyone. So I thought I would share a few reflections and observations from my perspective.
Communion: We took communion one of our first Sundays of family worship and I thought, "Ooh, bet this is new for some families." And then I remembered that our children are invited into the service EVERY time we take communion. What a glorious opportunity for families to remember Christ's body, broken for you, together. I have had some great discussions with other pastors over the years on the appropriateness of children participating in Communion. The most common concern I hear is, "They don't understand...." While this is likely true, let me offer a confession. As an educated adult, I don't understand. I cannot count the times in my life where God has revealed something to me that I thought I understood, but most certainly did not. The Divine is often times shrouded in mystery. I lean towards using the opportunity, the regular recurring event of communion, to lead children (and adults) into a more full understanding of the Eucharist.
Drawing During Church: If you have a child who can doodle peacefully, great! I've witnessed this a few times, and been amazed every time. It usually starts with drawing a picture, or making circles. Eventually it becomes words. About a month ago, one young girl left church with a page of beautiful scrolls and the words, "GOD IS GOOD" in the middle of her page. That phrase might seem simple, but it's a foundational truth all of us could be reminded of once in a while.
Worship through song: In our church, kids can be found singing, dancing, clapping, bouncing, quietly observing, or even shaking a musical instrument. This is one of the more natural and easy parts of worship for kids to participate in. Is the sound a little off? Maybe. But guess what? God doesn't think so.
In my next post, I'll list a few tips you can use at home to prepare your family for church.
*We still provide nursery care for infants/toddlers up to 4 years of age.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Micah Update
This tiny little string bean is nearing 7 months. He's gotten his first TWO teeth in the past week! He is mostly happy, has a sweet giggle, and lives with his mouth open. He is sitting on his own (no more pillow propping). He likes to watch people and is content with one toy at a time. In the past 3 weeks he has eaten banana, avocado, poi, sweet potato, pear, baby oatmeal, brown rice flour porridge, mango and water! His little life, and taste buds, are expanding daily. He loves his sister, watches daddy intently, and snuggles with mama. This little man is super content and, as far as we can tell, loves life! We love his smile, his baby noises, his exploration, and his unbridled enthusiasm to see PEOPLE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)